come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
