i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
