So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
