Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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