I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
