This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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