Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize