So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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