I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
