i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
