So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
