He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
