i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
