so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize