I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
