currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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