so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
