That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
