if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
