So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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