I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
