jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
