I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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