Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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