Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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