i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
