at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
