I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
