My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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