walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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