Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize