I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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