I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize