I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
