My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
