wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
