perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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