Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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