that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
