if you like me you must not know who I am
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
