I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize