The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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