Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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