I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
