Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Boobs are out for the taking
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
