if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize