I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
