dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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