he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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