If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
