Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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