I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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