I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
