We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
