in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
