I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
