she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize