Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
