i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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