so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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