She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
