haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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