You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
