dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
