I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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