Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
