This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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