she was so not down for the gang bang
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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