He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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