I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
