I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
