Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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