my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
