Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
