How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
