I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
