I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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