i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
