he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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