well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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