If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
