i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
