I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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