I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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