why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
