Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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