True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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