moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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