Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
