dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
