Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
